Biblical Reasons Ministry
A Testimony Out of
Mormonism & Turned to Christ
by Marsha Bette ("Libs" or "Libby" on internet discussion boards)
I came into the LDS Church fairly late in life, from a non-Christian background. Although I had been raised in the Baptist Church, I left it when I was 18, with only bare bones knowledge of it.
My coming of age occurred in the early sixties, when everyone was experimenting with new ideas, in every area, including religion. I considered myself a seeker and became interested in all kinds of religions and philosophies, and was most interested in eastern religions. I read Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Krisnamurthi, Yogananda and numerous other New Age authors. I studied Kabbalah for awhile and was a member of a Kabbalistic Temple in downtown Los Angeles, called “Builders of the Adytum” for a couple of years. I only attended their Temple a few times, but I did get very involved in their lessons on secret occultic teachings. Adytum means “inner shrine” or “holy of holies”. I didn’t realize it until much later, but this occultic religion had much in common with the LDS Church.
I was also a member of Yogananda's organization, Self-Realization Fellowship. This was a mix of Hindu/Christian beliefs (mostly Hindu), brought to this country in the 1940’s by it’s founder and now deceased leader Parmahansa Yogonanda (an Indian Guru). The foundation of this religion was meditation and Kriya Yoga…a means of bringing “energy” up the spine. I practiced meditation faithfully for about three years, until, one day, I had a very bad experience with it, at one point and stopped the practice. I left S.R.F. and B.O.T.A. behind and started calling myself an agnostic (even an atheist, at times).. I had done a lot of seeking and felt I had come up empty handed. No God that I could see.
When I think back on that time in my life, I see so many similarities to the LDS religion and possible subconscious reasons why I was attracted to it. Kabbalah is a secret society and reveals "truth" in layers, much like the LDS Church. Not only that, but a lot of the symbolism is very similar. Funny thing is, I didn't have a conscious awareness of that connection, until a couple of years after I joined the LDS Church, because I had been away from metaphysical studies for several years, plus, it takes at least a year or more to really learn much about the LDS Church. You cannot attend Temple the first year.
So, how did I end up in the LDS Church, after all of that?
I had pretty much given up on the search for spiritual truth and decided absolute truth and possibly God didn't even exist. I was in that state of agnosticism for ten years or more. Then, in 1999 things started happening to me. Bad things. My father suddenly passed away from a heart attack. It was totally unexpected. Also, later that year, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My marriage was also going through some problems. My world was coming down around me and I felt like a drowning woman with no one to throw me a life vest. I was devastated over the loss of my father and I started trying to pray to God, again. Something I hadn't done in a very long time.
My first attempts were pathetic, as I approached God in unbelief. I asked him to show me that he really did exist (I was asking for a sign). That was not a very good start! So, what did I get from those attempts?
I used to post a lot on political boards. There happened to be some Mormons posting on a board I posted on regularly, and one of them was posting excerpts from Gordon B. Hinckley’s “Standing for Something”. I was very attracted to his simple, common sense morality, so I bought the book and read it. It looked like "good fruit" to me… and I ate. That led me to read the Book of Mormon. I sincerely believed it was of God. I had a very pleasant and peaceful feeling, while reading it. I took a few months to complete the reading of the Book of Mormon and then had one of my LDS friends call the missionaries, so I could take the "missionary discussions."
I joined the LDS Church a couple of months after I started taking the missionary discussions. I was baptized in December, 2001. My family (mostly all non-lds, except for a couple of cousins) thought it was a strange fit for me, but they went along with it.
Everything was wonderful, in the beginning. I really thought I had returned to my Christian roots. I studied the LDS gospel, I took seminary classes, I went to Temple, I even worked in the L.A. Temple for a year, as a receptionist. My duties were fairly simple. I greeted people as they came and went. I escorted people to various sealing rooms sometimes for weddings (where a Mormon couple is sealed together – married - for “all time and eternity”) and sometimes for family sealings where whole Mormon families are sealed together.
I collected the prayer roll and took it up to the President’s Office. Sometimes I worked the clothing counter. One time I even worked in the laundry room, in the basement. I felt I was doing my part to support God’s Kingdom. I know a lot of ex-Mormons have gruesome stories about the Temple. I can’t say I had any really bad experiences there. I believed… and took it mostly in stride. I do remember feeling very nervous at my own endownment (the first time in the Temple), because I didn’t know at all what to expect. They tell you absolutely nothing about the actual ceremony, before hand.
At the end of it, I was very relieved it was over and remember thinking it was all kind of strange. Just so different from anything I had experienced as a chapel Mormon. I was told, what most are told, after their first time. Just keep going back. You’ll get used to it. It will get better each time. Frankly, I enjoyed working there much more than I liked going through the ceremonies, especially the endowment, because it is quite long and after having been through it several times, could get very boring. I did always have trouble with my veil. I never could get it to stay on right, from the very beginning. Perhaps, that was a sign. :-)
So, I continued to go to Temple, take classes and learn LDS doctrine. Unfortunately, I didn't have much knowledge of Christianity to compare against the things I was learning in the LDS church. I just went with it and believed it. I had a testimony (especially of the Book of Mormon)...*I thought*. Or more accurately, *I felt*.
About two to three years in the church, I finally started reading and studying the Bible and from there, having some very intense online discussions with several people...but one person, in particular, who really challenged me. I thank God for this special person in my life, and many others along the way. As we read and discussed the Bible, the doubts started right away, although, I didn't acknowledge them much...just tiny little doubts that later became very big doubts…and finally sure knowledge that I really was on the wrong path. Our conversations went something like this:
I told him, “man is basically good, because we are all God's children and made in His image”. He showed me Jeremiah 17:9 and Ephesians 2:1-3. I told him, about Eternal Progression and he showed me Psalms 90:2 (and many others showing that God is an eternal, unchanging God). I told him, “We too, are progressing towards godhood”. He showed me Isaiah 45:5. I told him, “We must perform good works in order to attain salvation”. He showed me Ephesians 2:8 (still one of my favorite verses!). I told him, “We have the gift of God-given free will” (to seek after God). He showed me Romans 3:11-12. And, on and on it went, presenting me with more and more difficulties regarding my LDS beliefs, as they were compared to the Bible.
This friend, with whom I was having the Bible discussions, one day gave me a link to CARM.org (LDS discussion board here). He had just discovered it, himself, and thought it was pretty neat. So, I signed up and logged in. I started reading some of the threads on the Mormonism board and I was actually horrified, at first. I knew it all had to be a bunch of lies. I tried to discourage other LDS from posting there and almost got myself banned the first day. :-)
But, for some reason (I later found out that the reason was God’s grace) I did settle in here for awhile and learned a few things about my religion that they didn’t teach me in seminary class or Gospel Doctrine. I had already been having doubts, because of the discrepancies between LDS theology and the Bible. Now, I was learning some very disturbing things about the history of the church. Little did I know, at the time, that my participation at CARM was going to be the last nail in the coffin.
I discussed various topics regarding the LDS religion and often got disgusted with the conversations, but I was also beginning to feel some real disgust towards the LDS church and all of the things I felt had been hidden from me. Not that one can’t find this information online and in other places, but one will more than likely not be informed of such matters by the Mormon Church. Not only that, but the church strongly discourages members from going to “anti-Mormon” sites. I’m sure some LDS would point to me as good reason why people should not visit these sites. But, I know it was all in God’s plan.
So, I learned about Joseph’s polygamy with young girls and married women, about his “true” translating techniques, about plagiarism in the Book of Mormon, wrong translation of the Book of Abraham. All of the weird things that Brigham Young and other prophets said, that the church now passes off as “opinion.” I was faced with a virtual mountain of negative information…things I wish I had known before I joined the LDS church. It was devastating, at first. I didn’t want to believe it, but the evidence was there and I really could not deny it. I was beginning to feel convicted to leave the LDS church.
So, I did leave for about four months, but was feeling very unsettled in my mind about all of this. I finally allowed myself to get drawn back into the church...mostly because I still had these nagging feelings that the Book of Mormon was true. I just could not shake it.
I stayed for six months and almost made myself sick, because I "knew", at that point, that I really should not be there. I was feeling guilty, guilty, guilty.
I was still posting on CARM, still defending the church, when one day, a participant at CARM (Brian H) put up another (probably two-millionth thread) on the Book of Abraham. I read his thread and knew what he was saying was likely true, but still didn’t want to accept it. I asked him if he would discuss this on another board with someone I felt could give him good answers. I knew I couldn’t dispute anything he had said, but I thought “someone” more knowledgeable than I, could.
Brian agreed to have this conversation. Now, I’m not going to name this other person (and it did all work out as God intended) but the person I thought had all of the answers, told me he didn’t want to discuss it, because it was a difficult subject and he was not that familiar with it. This was a person who had discussed every other LDS subject you can think of, with great intelligence, which is why I asked him. I was really upset…and disappointed…and angry….and most of all, defeated. That was a last straw moment for me. Shortly after that, I left the LDS church again…I thought, for good, this time.
I started attending a large Christian Church, in my hometown (a mega-church) and even though I enjoyed the teachings, I was very ill at ease with the new culture. I hung in there for a year, but I was so very homesick for my Ward and all of my LDS friends there…and just the simple comforts of familiar things. This is a problem that many LDS have, coming out of the church, unfortunately. It is quite a different culture in Christian Churches. I went from a quiet, small, subdued service in the LDS Church, to a crowed, enthusiastic, hands in the air, clapping to music, drinking coffee after services (yikes! – a no-no for LDS!), lost in the crowd, not knowing a single soul, kind of church. Basically, just feeling very lost and not fitting in, in this new church. I am sorry to say, that I allowed myself to succumb to these feelings of homesickness and, once again, went back to my Ward.
It was all wonderful for a month or so. I was happy to be back among familiar people and familiar things. But, that didn’t last long. God started working on me, right away. I was painfully aware of the false doctrine being taught, the legalisms, the lack of CHRIST…it was painful and I knew I couldn’t stay. I didn’t belong there. God did not want me there. As much or MORE as I had felt the tug to go back into the LDS church, I was feeling a grand tug to leave it again. This time for good. I really knew, this time, that I could never again be LDS. Sad…and yet, liberating.
I needed a church home. A real Christian Church home. So, I made a short list of criteria and searched the internet for churches in my area that might fit. I only had to visit three churches to find the one that was just right. It’s a small Christian Reformed Church, with the most marvelous people…they made me feel welcome right away and have been such a blessing to me. I Praise God everyday for answering my prayers and bringing me to this church.
I still deal with LDS issues, at times, but I am growing in Christ, with my new church family, and I am so grateful for all that God has done in my life. He has brought me this far and I know that he will be take me the rest of the way.
I still post at CARM, because the people here helped me find my way, and I am so appreciative of that. I hope God will use me, even if just in a small way, to give back a little of what I have received.
I am so grateful and so happy to know and have a relationship with the Jesus Christ of the Bible. I thank Him and Praise Him everyday for the miracles He has worked in my life.
-Marsha Bette
Marsha answers a question from a Mormon:
How do Christians interpret these words of Peter in Acts 5:30-32? What is the role of the Holy Ghost in witnessing Jesus Christ? "The God of our fathers raised up Jesus, whom ye slew and hanged on tree. Him hath God exalted with his right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins. And we are his witnesses of these things; and so is also the Holy Ghost, whom God hath given to them that obey him."
This is not a bad question. It's one that I asked, and was confused
about, while I was still in the LDS church. I always (thought) that I was
experiencing the Holy Spirit as a feeling...mostly a feeling of peace and
that feeling you get when something just "sounds" right. That was how I had
determined that the Book of Mormon was true. It made me feel good, because
it "sounded" good and it gave me a peaceful feeling. Since I had never
really felt the true Holy Spirit, I had no way of comparing or knowing that
this "feeling" (which was very strong, at times) was not authentic. That's
the way many LDS describe the Holy Ghost, so I naturally assumed that's what
I was feeling.
When I started reading the Bible and getting (what I sincerely believe) is a
true Holy Spirit witness, it was different in several ways. The first
experiences, that I believe were true Holy Spirit witnessing, came when I
started seriously studying the Bible for the first time. I started seeing
things that were very different from what I was being taught in the
LDS Church. I also experienced
this heightened awareness while studying LDS history. So, I believe the Holy
Spirit was witnessing of the true Christ, in part, by showing me some
falsehoods I had believed were true. The Holy Spirit was witnessing of
Christ through my intellect. As I began to see more clearly between truth
and falsehoods I had believed, I also started being convicted of my wrong
believes. Convicted because I was coming to know they were wrong, but still
trying to cling to them. I began to have a desire to repent of the false
beliefs I was clinging to...which, ultimately, I did. So, that is two ways
that I have experienced the true Holy Spirit, and it was really quite
different from the simple "feeling" that something was true, without any
real evidence (physical or spiritual) that it WAS true.
Mainly, the Holy Spirit always points to the true Jesus Christ. It may be a
process, but that's where you're always going to end up....knowing the Jesus
of the Bible.
Mormon Testimonies Turned to Christ
Updated 4.10
Why Mormonism?
Mormon Temples
Secret or Sacred?
What Happens In There?
The Mormon Miracle Pageant
That’s my King! (S M Lockridge) – free video
"Jesus' blood on the altar was the ultimate payment. He made us worthy permanently. When Jesus died on the cross the veil covering the Holy of Holies tore in half. The mercy seat lay exposed to mankind. There is no veil, anymore, between God and man. Jesus ripped it down. But Mormonism has hung up a new one." -Kathleen Baldwin
"I found myself buried under a mountain of doubt, after really investigating church doctrine and church history...and getting myself more familiar with the Bible. It was too much. I finally came out from under all of that and embraced Jesus Christ alone, which is all we really need. I was sad to leave the church. Very sad...but, relieved and happy to find my Savior in the process." More...
Editor's note: He Gave You Jesus
- by Justjo
If the quote above describes you, please know that God loves you and has a
wonderful plan for your life. Visit Testimonies Turned to Christ at
the top of this section to understand that you're not alone in your feelings.
"Counterfeit, fake, bogus, imitation, forgery, fraud, copy.... We all recognize these words, as well as understand their meaning. There are many counterfeits out there. If they were easy to detect, they would not be called counterfeits. God gave us these wonderful books in the Bible to test these counterfeits. This is where we find our markers to detect them. The Holy Spirit does not contradict Gods word...." More...