Biblical Reasons Ministry  

An LDS Wedding Story

by "Misha" - desires to remain anonymous for now as some family members are still LDS.

“I’m getting married!”   Those three words bring about so much emotion don’t they?  Excitement, elation, anticipation, swooning love….ahh, it felt fabulous to be engaged…for a whopping 10 minutes. 

The three months of my engagement my head was spinning, but not because of any planning that needed to be done but rather because this really wasn’t what I wanted.  I hid behind a smile wondering how I would handle the big day. 

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted the guy.  It was the method of being married I wasn’t keen on.  You see, we were Latter-day Saints (Mormon).  I was an LDS convert and he was born and raised LDS.  Latter Day Saints don’t have the traditional wedding that most people think of.  It is called a “sealing” that binds a husband and a wife together for eternity. In order to attend the temple you have to go through an interview process and be determined worthy of a temple recommend.  A recommend is a piece of paper (and soon going plastic with bar codes) that identifies you and that you are worthy to attend the temple.   Sounds peachy doesn’t it?  For many LDS a Sealing is the ideal, but not for me. Because my parents and my entire extended family are not LDS and didn‘t have temple recommends, they could not attend the ceremony in the temple.  My family was not considered worthy enough to go.  They would have to stand outside, or in a waiting area.

Non-temple-recommend holding LDS can’t attend sealings either but they know the drill so it’s better accepted.  My parents were innocent in all of this, never having heard of a temple wedding or all that it entails.  They just assumed when I got married it would be in my home church.

My family was dysfunctional and up until this moment I didn’t think I cared if my family members were present or not.  But when it came down to it, I wanted them there.

11 minutes after accepting the proposal, I started trying to figure out how to explain all of this to my parents.  How exactly does one do that?  I put it off for a little bit.

I didn’t want to get married in the temple.  I loved the guy, but my fiancé was raised to be married only in the temple.  Ask him today and he’ll tell you “At the time I would have broken off the engagement if you insisted on being married somewhere other than the temple.”   I went to my bishop (local LDS leader, the “father” of the ward) with my dilemma.  I was advised that the only right thing to do was to be married in the temple.  Although it would be hard on my family they would respect me for my beliefs and I would be setting a good example.  It was pointed out that if my family really wanted to attend they could have converted LDS (yeah, as if they had a clue they would be excluded from the wedding).  I was told that the temple would be so beautiful that a traditional wedding would pale in comparison and I wouldn’t miss my family’s absence.  This was the kicker “It is important to do it right the first time.  What if you two were in a car accident right after a traditional wedding?  You wouldn’t be sealed together and would spend eternity separated.”  Nice counsel on honoring your father and mother wasn’t it?

My struggle was internal.  I kept on my game face and acted just like everything was normal.  My future in-laws kept reminding me how awesome the temple ceremony was, how spiritual it would be.  All I kept thinking was “It had better be.”

I called my parents.  I cried telling them I was afraid they wouldn’t travel the 800 miles for my wedding day.  Amidst my sobbing I explained to them that they would not be able to go into the temple.  I thought I did a good job.  They agreed to come.  My in-laws said “See, that wasn’t so bad.  They are respecting your faith, you are a good example.”  I sure didn’t feel like a “good” anything.  It wasn’t until later when I heard through the grapevine that my parents didn’t understand they wouldn’t be able to see anything.  They were under the impression there would be a window or something that they could witness the sealing from.  Guess I didn’t do a good job of explaining anything.  I can’t imagine how it felt to show up that day and find out that they wouldn’t be included at all.

My dream wedding looked like this; I had planned it from childhood.  A small intimate evening wedding in a small country church dimly lit by candles on the pews. A few flowers but nothing much…less is more. Indian summers are cool after 6pm, so the lack of air conditioning would not be a problem.  A string quartet would play all my favorites in the entry to the chapel setting the mood for guests while they are seated.  As more people are seated a few people would be fanning themselves with their programs (there are always a few that need air conditioning).  The mothers and grandmothers are seated. The music stops, the string quartet changes music and starts playing Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring.  My sisters and groomsmen walk up to the front of the chapel, my sisters carrying a single, long stemmed rose.

The quartet stops playing.  My dad and I are locked arm in arm in the back.  Dad and I didn’t have a close, intimate relationship like many fathers and their daughters have.  We have a very strong German tradition in our family and emotions and “I love you’s” are understood rather than spoken.  I envisioned standing in the entry with Dad and hearing him say I was pretty and that he loved me and receiving a hug.  The moment would be monumental.  I would need a few minutes to recover from the tender moment, I’d wipe my eyes, cover my face with my veil and we’d lock arms again.  A brass quintet would begin playing Trumpet Voluntary and Dad would walk me up the aisle to give me away to my guy who would be standing at the front waiting for me.

Our vows would be vows we’d work on with a pastor to ensure they were modern but biblical.  We would vow to God and each other in front of loved ones to be faithful to Him and to each other.  The sermon would include directions the Apostle Paul gave to married people in 1 Corinthians. The Lord’s Prayer (music version) would be included in the ceremony somewhere, we would present our parents with roses and we would light a unity candle representing how a groom and bride are one as Christ is to His Church.

We would be pronounced husband and wife, share a quick kiss and then hubby and I would greet our guests and dismiss them from the chapel.  After we would have a small, simple reception locally if not in the church and visit with our loved ones.

It’s not a “Platinum Wedding” like seen on TV, but it was all I ever wanted.

A few hours before I was married I made this journal entry “Dear Journal, Um-in 10 hours and 40 minutes I will be married.  It doesn’t seem like it though.  I’m not handling the change very well.  I’ve been sick all day.  I’m not even sure what to write.  I guess the next time I get out my pen I’ll be Mrs. ________ ________.”

In stark contrast to my dream wedding, let me describe our actual wedding (sealing) day.  The sealing was scheduled in the Salt Lake Temple for 10:40 am.  We had to be there 2 hours early.  In order to get to Salt Lake City by 8:40 am we had to leave by 7:30 am.

I spent the night at my future in- aws house. I woke up early and showered.  My best friend did my hair and makeup.  She’s a cosmetologist.  I had a partial up do with curly hair.  My hair is stick-straight, it didn’t look like me and I felt silly.  My makeup looked good though, nothing flashy.

My fiancé slept in and his parents couldn’t get him out of bed.  I was irritated.   The house was buzzing with hair dryers & people running around getting ready.  It took my guy 20 minutes to get ready.  We left for Salt Lake City at 7:30am….we rode together, wearing church clothes, our temple clothes in suitcases and my wedding dress and his tux in the back seat.  We were both sick to our stomachs.  We chewed Pepto Bismol tablets while driving on the freeway, both of us had pink chalky stuff in the corners of our mouth.

We ran into bad traffic, we were running late, it was raining.  We got to Salt Lake and couldn’t find a parking spot.  Apparently a LOT of other people were getting married that day as well.  Finally we found a place to park a few blocks away.  We dug out our many changes of clothes and started a very fast walk to Temple Square (it’s misting now).

We got all checked in, our witnesses were there ahead of us and helped us get settled.  From here it’s very blurry for me, I remember they put a tag of some sort on my dress, and placed it with a bunch of other wedding dresses. I also checked in my temple bag with my temple clothes.  Next I had to wait somewhere for a while (my memory is hazy during this waiting time).  The next thing I remember I’m putting on my wedding gown in the brides’ room shared with other brides.  It’s optional to wear your wedding gown; you can wear a regular temple dress as well.  I opted for my wedding gown (so did everyone else that day).

My temple wedding was the first one I had ever been too.  I didn’t know what to expect.  I had been told over and over again that it would be awesome so my hopes were pretty high in order to forget my family wouldn’t be present.  I looked in the mirror, my gown really was pretty although it had sequins and a bow on the back (it was the only one I could find long enough, I settled). I needed someone to fasten up the back. The temple worker assigned to me told me that my dress wasn’t “temple ready.”  It was modest, my garments were covered I didn’t understand the problem.  She told me my neck had to be covered and my arms.  She helped me put on a dickie type top (a fake shirt with long sleeves).  Then she helped me put my arms through the sleeves and fastened up my dress.  I was hot and uncomfortable; I looked in the mirror and felt odd.  Next she assisted me in putting on the ceremonial temple clothes.  A long robe was placed over my dress and fastened at the sides.  A green, fig leaf apron was tied around my waist.  A sash was also tied around my waist.  I had to wear white slippers under my dress rather than my wedding shoes.  The veil that was placed on my head was a temple veil, not the veil I bought to match my gown.  I looked at myself again and was crushed, it was a hideous sight.  I was told I looked beautiful…who were they kidding?

Have you ever been distraught sitting in a salon chair getting your hair cut?  Your hair in a towel or up in clips flipped this way or that, or sticking straight up while the stylist is cutting.  You don’t think you look like you?  That is how I felt, on my wedding day of all days.

Hubby and I meet up; he is in ceremonial clothing also.  He is wearing a white temple issued pants and shirt, same robe, sash and apron, and instead of a veil he has a bakers like hat on his head.  We are taken to the “veil”, where I give him my “new name”.  This is the name he needed to know to call me from my grave at the resurrection.

Next we are taken to a sealing room.  We were assigned a room that would hold 55 people. Three of the people were friends that I had invited, the rest were my husband’s family and friends.  I was surrounded by strangers.  The officiator asks us to be seated across the room from each other. The officiator calls us to the altar, we kneel across from one another and grip hands in the “patriarchal grip”.  The picture below is what our sealing room looked like.  I was on the right and hubby on the left.  To our backs were mirrors on the wall, when one looks into the mirror across the altar one can see forever.  The officiator points out to us (I hear it’s common) that the mirrors represent what eternity looks like.  I saw myself in the mirror, and I wasn’t sure who was looking back. This woman didn’t look like me, her eyes were blank and only her face was visible as the rest of her head & hair were covered by a veil…I couldn’t even see her ears.  This was awesome?

The officiator gives us some words of advice.  We were told to return to the temple often (that once a month wasn’t enough) and to read Doctrine & Covenants 130 over and over again and we would be blessed. 

We took our vows.

Officiator: Brother ______, [naming groom] and Sister ______, [naming bride] please join hands in the Patriarchal Grip or Sure Sign of the Nail.

Marriage Couple: Joins hands in the "Patriarchal Grip, or Sure Sign of the Nail." This token is given by clasping the right hands, interlocking the little fingers and placing the tip of the forefinger upon the center of the wrist. No clothing should interfere with the contact of the forefinger upon the wrist.

Officiator: Brother ______, do you take Sister ______ by the right hand and receive her unto yourself to be your lawful and wedded wife for time and all eternity, with a covenant and promise that you will observe and keep all the laws, rites, and ordinances pertaining to this Holy Order of Matrimony in the New and Everlasting Covenant, and this you do in the presence of God, angels, and these witnesses of your own free will and choice?

Groom: Yes.

Officiator: Sister ______ do you take brother ______ by the right hand and give yourself to him to be his lawful and wedded wife, and for him to be your lawful and wedded husband, for time and all eternity, with a covenant and promise that you will observe and keep all the laws, rites and ordinances pertaining to this Holy Order of Matrimony in the New and Everlasting Covenant, and this you do in the presence of God, angels, and these witnesses of your own free will and choice?

Bride: Yes.

Officiator: By virtue of the Holy Priesthood and the authority vested in me, I pronounce you ______, and ______, legally and lawfully husband and wife for time and all eternity, and I seal upon you the blessings of the holy resurrection with power to come forth in the

morning of the first resurrection clothed in glory, immortality and eternal lives, and I seal upon you the blessings of kingdoms, thrones, principalities, powers, dominions and exaltations, with all the blessings of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and say unto you: be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth that you may have joy and rejoicing in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. All these blessings, together with all the blessings appertaining unto the New and Everlasting Covenant, I seal upon you by virtue of the Holy Priesthood, through your faithfulness, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, Amen.

And that was it.  We were married.  The officiator had us stand up and move away from the altar to share a quick kiss.  Then he said we could give each other our rings in the hall outside of the sealing room which we did and then hurriedly went to the locker areas to get ourselves presentable for pictures outside.  My sister-in-law helped me undo the dress so that I could take off that “dickie” thing.  Then she helped me fix my hair, put on the veil that I bought to match my dress and put on my jewelry.  My hubby was in his locker area putting on a black tux with white vest.  I put on my shoes and I was ready to present myself to the world outside of the temple.

I met my husband in the hallway; he told me I looked beautiful (now that he could actually see the whole package).  We walked out the glass doors and although I was smiling I was very ashamed and conflicted.  What had I done?  There was my family, damp from standing in the rain in their Sunday best.  Apparently the waiting area was full.  Hubby and I looked sharp, from all outward appearances…beautiful bride and groom, pretty temple it appeared as if my family had missed out on something awesome.  Hubby’s family was telling them “We just thought you would like to know the ceremony was beautiful.” 

Just like everything else LDS, outward appearances are completely different than what goes on “inside” the cult.

What I experienced was not beautiful; it did not represent Christ’s relationship with his church.  I married the LDS church; I married into the idea of eternal progression … a self serving doctrine exalting man. 

I wanted to cry, my family looked so hurt.  I wanted to tell them they didn’t miss out on a thing, but I couldn‘t.  I was legally married but I didn’t feel God was present at all.  I felt like I had just gone through my sorority initiation again.  How could everyone else think that was so great?  All LDS present were beaming like what I experienced was the best thing next to Heaven.     I kept thinking “I thought a sealing was to be awesome and a normal wedding would pale in comparison?  This is it? It’s over? What have I done?”

A wedding to your spouse is a one time deal; my “one time” was a complete, utter, disgrace.

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"Jesus' blood on the altar was the ultimate payment. He made us worthy permanently. When Jesus died on the cross the veil covering the Holy of Holies tore in half. The mercy seat lay exposed to mankind. There is no veil, anymore, between God and man. Jesus ripped it down. But Mormonism has hung up a new one." -Kathleen Baldwin